He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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