When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize