dude i'm inner monologue high
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
