Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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