My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
