Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
