I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
false alarm, still single
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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