Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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