u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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