Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I could have mohawked her pubes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
