i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize