YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
