last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
