I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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