whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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