I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
