Kiss
Puke
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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