??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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