I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How does one acquire holy water?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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