shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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