I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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