Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
