so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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