i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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