No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
