So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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