i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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