She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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