Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
