im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We had to coat check the pizza.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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