After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
