More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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