I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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