nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
