Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
