kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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