I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we're so committed to being not committed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
