I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
