i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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