It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
