Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
