bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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