I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
