Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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