I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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