'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
