it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's always time for handjobs
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
