I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
