Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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