i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
