and i looked up. we had an audience...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
