Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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