What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
