Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Duck Duck Cougar?
In America we eat man semen.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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