I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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