maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize