I would go down on you faster than GM stock
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
