The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
