We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize