His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
