we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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