but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want her autograph on my taint
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
