She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
