Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
