So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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