3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
