THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
