I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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