Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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