I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
