I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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