If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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