I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
