we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
