So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
