so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
